More than once, when I have told someone about my hope that my mediation practice will help to make the world a better place, that person has exclaimed, “We need this!”
Needless to say, I appreciate the encouragement. And as someone running a small business, I am keenly aware of how much my livelihood relies on separating couples saying, “We need a mediator. That seems like the best way to reach an understanding about our divorce.”
Still, I think the words WE NEED THIS stick with me because they speak so powerfully to the deep cooperation and meaningful conflict resolution we wish to experience in our communities.
WE: Although I work directly with a relatively small number of individuals, these people’s efforts to make peace reach well beyond our mediation sessions. The beneficiaries of a divorcing couple’s hard work in mediation include their children, extended families, new partners, work colleagues, and friends – everyone with whom they regularly come into contact. Couples in mediation are less of a burden on the court system and can be a force for good in the larger world. When people address change and conflict in a healthy manner, the entire community benefits.
NEED: In mediation, parties are asked to talk about what they want and need. Not only do people need a place to live, food to eat, and a way to support their children, they may also need clear communication, a degree of mutual trust, some hope, and the feeling of being heard and respected. For the sake of our communities, whether in formal mediations or everyday interactions, we need to ensure that each other’s needs are met as often as possible.
THIS: As a family mediator, I am guided by Model Standards of Practice for Family and Divorce Mediation. I know what mediation is and what I can and cannot do for my clients. Yet, no two mediations are ever the same. To a great extent, the parties decide what to talk about, discovering along the way how to work through their issues. In mediation, we operate under the belief that most people, even when in great conflict, can reach important agreements – even if it is not immediately clear how this will come to pass.
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